The much needed balanced diet

Every Tom, Dick and Harry these days is a fitness blogger or self decided nutritionist. It seems that once you post a picture of vegetables in a lunch box and tag it as #mealprep #fitfam on Instagram you’ve made it. Well I need sugar for my sanity, it stops me from saying things like “Are you stupid?” “Just go get an education will you, ya bollox” or just a general “stop talking to me Spawn of Satin”. So here’s how to get that sugar without all those plonkers watching you eat your biscuits with those beast jealous eyes, cos lets face it we all know they cry into their carrot sticks.

Adulting For Dummies Top Tip: Correct Storage of Sneaky Treats 

The key to this exercise is convincing people that like them you are taking part in one of these fad diets. Yano the ones I’m talking about lads, where you eat a slice of melon every 3 hours and then have a laxative for din dins. Well what I’ve been doing lately is eating my kale with the girlos while I have Oreos secretly hidden and stuffed in my pockets. They can’t understand why I’m not miserable, it makes their little brains hurt while making my sadistic self delira!

Top Sneaky Storage Places:

  • Deep pockets – not jeans cos your gonna see the shape of the Oreos
  • Make up cases – if they hear the jelly beans wrapper it could be mistaken for a tampon wrapper
  • Protein shaker – who shall suspect?
  • Books
  • Pillows
  • In the Hoover
  • In the Shed
  • Up your sleeves – because let’s face it this kind of trickery is nothing short of wizardry 🔮 

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